Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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