you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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