umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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