I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
