So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
