You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
