make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
