I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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