Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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