I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
