so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
