8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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