First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
