and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
