its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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