do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
