i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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