Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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