it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
