R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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