Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
being pregnant is like rehab
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
