He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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