Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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