Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
