genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
a search helicopter?!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
