Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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