so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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