and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
