Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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