how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
