it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
