Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
