It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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