What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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