Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The air taste purple.
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