are you so shy because you have an std?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
