hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
