i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I am spending my child support on dildos
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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