They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
