I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
