Me. At least after what I've been through.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
