i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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