I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
