I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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