yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
that may or may not have been my penis.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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