Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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