Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
