He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
