The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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