watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize