I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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