i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
