the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
