6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
not ubering you a puppy
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
