The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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