So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
