remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
