Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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