Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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