He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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