Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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