if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
