My balls are so social today.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
