I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
