When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
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we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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