If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
