HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
