Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
