I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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