Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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