It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
