i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
