how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
