in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
