That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
they need to just BURY HIM!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
