he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize