NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
