You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
