I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
